Lose Your Pride
by thelastenemy
Summary: Everything had gone so wrong the world seemed to have stopped –the wind outside, the fire, his breathing… updated
1. Delusional

_"It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride."_

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It was mid-December, and the grounds of Hogwarts were covered in a good two or three feet of snow. The damp cold had seeped into just about every wall of the castle, and the Heads' Common Room seemed one of the few spots left with both comfort, and quiet. As such, it was the umpteenth time James and Lily found themselves doing homework together in front of the roaring hearth, without the excuse of Head duties keeping them within each other's presence. James had abandoned his usual position leaning carelessly upon the couch for one on the soft rug beside Lily. She had a curious expression on her face, as though torn between the urge to tell him to leave and the nagging feeling that she ought to let it slide. Her uncertainty was no longer necessary, however, when he opened his mouth to speak.

"Look Evans, there's no easy way to say this, but –you may have noticed I haven't asked you to Hogsmeade in a while," James said tentatively, attempting to read her thoughts.

"I have," she replied slowly, not looking up from her Potions essay but her mind -and heart -racing.

"Well," James continued with a hint of annoyance at her refusal to make this easier for him, "I'd been thinking all summer that you were probably rather annoyed with me because I wouldn't stop asking. I –I've also stopped hexing people, you know, and –well, now that I've changed, I was wondering if you'd go out with me." Her quill stopped moving, and her brow furrowed as a frown twisted her lips.

"It really wouldn't be a big deal, Evans, just a few hours in Hogsmeade next weekend –I can tell the school it doesn't mean anything, act like a goody-two-shoes all day –" he rambled earnestly, hoping to win her over. One side of her face twitched. Somehow, without realizing it, he'd touched a chord. James' heart sank.

"You're delusional," she said finally, so softly James would have had to strain to hear her if not for the complete lack of any other sound within the room. Everything had gone so wrong the world seemed to have stopped –the wind outside, the fire, his breathing…

She had gotten up. "You're completely delusional if you think that after –after _everything,_I would go hold hands with you and snog in the alleys of Hogsmeade –and what's more, you're delusional if you really believe that you've changed. Because news flash, Potter, you _haven't._You may have a bit more self-control just because you've realized it can benefit you not to act on every single whim and fancy of yours, but you're still every bit as arrogant, selfish, and insensitive as you have been since the day I met you." Something in him broke, and James wanted in one terrifying moment to hurt her as much as she'd hurt him.

"You're a bitch," he declared, clambering to his feet as well, fists clenched at his sides and mouth curved into a furious grimace. "Lily Evans, you are the biggest bitch I've ever met."

Lily gasped ever so slightly, biting her lower lip uncertainly before letting her eyes narrow into their familiar position of fury.

"_I'm_the bitch? _You're_the one who's been trying to make a fool of me since the day I got here, _Potter!"_

"I haven't done _anything_like that since I realized I fancied you! How do you think it _feels_to be shot down like that this many times, and the way you do it- I should have realized a long time ago you're not worth it. I thought you were better than the others, but I was wrong. You're worse! I wouldn't be surprised if you got your brains by trading in your heart," he said, hazel eyes scrutinizing her coldly, impassively from behind his glasses.

"You absolute _prick,"_she said, poking him in the chest. "Did you really _expect_me to believe popular, wealthy, handsome, Quidditch star Potter would ever care about little goody-two-shoes bookworm Evans? And let's say you did _really_fancy me. How many times did I need to tell you _no_before you realized I _meant_it? You are everything I positively _detest._I could never fancy you, and just because I don't doesn't mean I don't have a heart! It just means I _have_ a brain, and I rely on it!" she spat.

"I _did_care. Don't ask me why, because Merlin knows every minute I spend with you, I find it more difficult to answer that myself! And yeah, you're right, I'm all of those things. But you know what? You're judgmental, patronizing, stubborn, and you put your pride ahead of what really matters. And -goddamnit, Evans, I love you anyway!" he yelled. They were both silent, him breathing heavily and her gazing at him curiously, eyes wide.

"Well?" he demanded, with a rather crazed expression distorting his usually carefree features. "Do you have _nothing _to say to me?" She lowered her eyes, looking everywhere but at him.

"I -I -I should go," she breathed, before turning on her heel and hurrying up the steps to her bedroom.

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**Read and review!**

For those who have read this before, you probably realize that I've changed the story. It will no longer be a oneshot as it was (thankfully) pointed out to me a sudden surrender on Lily's part was rather unplausible. More to come.

Stay magical!

Leenie


	2. And the Fate of the Universe Was Set

_"I did care. Don't ask me why, because Merlin knows every minute I spend with you, I find it more difficult to answer that myself! And yeah, you're right, I'm all of those things. But you know what? You're judgmental, patronizing, stubborn, and you put your pride ahead of what really matters. And -goddamnit, Evans, I love you anyway!" he yelled. They were both silent, him breathing heavily and her gazing at him curiously, eyes wide._

_"Well?" he demanded, with a rather crazed expression distorting his usually carefree features. "Do you have nothing to say to me?" She lowered her eyes, looking anywhere but at him._

_"I -I -I should go," she breathed, before turning on her heel and hurrying up the steps to her bedroom._

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It had been nearly a week since his confession, and still Lily had not said a word to him. James was embarrassed at having confessed the truth and furious that she was now pointedly avoiding him, but more than anything else, bitter with disappointment. Some part of him had been certain that all it would have taken for Lily Evans to fall in love with him was shaping up and convincing her his feelings for her were very real. That she had so forcibly rejected him made it rather apparent that she would never feel the same, an understanding that sent pangs of longing coursing through James. Lily Evans had created an ache in his chest he never wanted to admit existed, not even to himself.

James had taken to going directly to the Quidditch pitch every day after classes to clear his head of the fog of confusion and misery in which Lily had left him. He liked to tell himself as he tossed Quaffle after Quaffle through the hoops that he was now over "that anal bitch" but found it nearly impossible to keep from imagining her watching him in admiration from the stands.

...which is precisely why it took him over an hour to process the fact that Lily Evans really _was _sitting alone in the stands one day, watching him intently. When he did at last realize the petite redhead perched in the Gryffindor area was not a figment of his imagination, the skilled flier nearly tumbled off his broom. She was wearing her Gryffindor scarf with a green wool hat and matching mittens, but rather foolishly had neglected to bring a coat to wear over her thin school robes and skirt. Granted, James' Quidditch uniform wasn't particularly helpful against the elements either, but at the very least the strenuous exercise kept him reasonably warm. Lily, on the other hand, was visibly shivering and breathing on her hands to keep them warm.

James decided to ignore her as she had him, and continued to practice. "Go back in the castle," he muttered under his breath but refusing to speak to her directly.

Thirty minutes later, she still hadn't left. Her nose was a bright red, and she was shaking like a leaf.

"Is she mad? Didn't even bring her wand to cast a Warming Charm," James grumbled, forcing himself to keep flying.

About ten minutes later, it began to snow. James casually glanced in her direction, expecting her to have left, but there she was, still watching resolutely from the same spot. Finally, she sneezed violently, and James decided he'd had enough. He flew up directly in front of her.

"What are you doing here? Can't you tell it's freezing? Get inside before you kill yourself," he barked at her. She made no indication of having heard him and looked him straight in the eye before speaking.

"I'd l-like t-to sp-speak to y-you, James, if y-you'd l-let m-m-me," she said quietly, teeth chattering.

"I have nothing to say to you. You don't need to waste any more time here. Go back and warm up," he snapped.

"No. Not until you let m-me t-talk," she replied stubbornly, biting her lip in the cold. James took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"You –you –" he shook his head. "Meet me in the locker room in five." She nodded in satisfaction, and leaned back in her seat.

"Didn't you hear me? I said meet me in the locker room," he said incredulously.

"In five. I think I'll keep watching until then," she responded calmly. He set his jaw in annoyance, but turned back to score a few more goals before alighting upon the ground. By the time he looked back towards the stands, she was gone.

He trudged slowly and heavily into the locker room, reveling in the warmth and noticing that Lily hadn't come down yet. The cold had really begun to sting him through his uniform in the last few minutes, the snow having melted and seeped through his robes. He stripped quickly, tossing his robes carelessly on the floor and pulling off his jumper to exchange it for the one his mum had sent him just a few days ago. Someone coughed lightly behind him, and he turned quickly. There stood Lily, sporting an unflattering shade of bright pink that clashed horribly with her hair.

"I –I'm sorry. I should have knocked or something. It –it was pretty cold, I d-didn't think and j-just ran in here-"

"It's fine. I'll survive the embarrassment somehow," he replied dryly.

"James, I-"

"I said it before and I'll say it again. You don't have to tell me again. I get it. No need to humiliate me further," he said harshly, cutting her off.

"You said before –"

"What, that I'd hear you out? That was only because you were freezing to death. I don't think I could forgive myself if I let you die just because you're too bloody stubborn to be reasonable," he muttered.

"James!"

"What?"

"I wanted to tell you that you were right." He was silent, and tilted his head ever so slightly in confusion and astonishment.

"You know me better than I do. I-I'm too judgmental, I hold grudges long past their prime, I focus on small faults instead of looking at the big picture, and I've been an obstinate, proud idiot. You haven't pranked me since Third Year, haven't insulted me since Fifth, and since the start of term –you've been the perfect friend to me. There is no reason for me _not _to go to Hogsmeade with you, but still I was so scared when you asked-" she took a deep, steadying breath.

"Be-because for once, James Potter, I feel something other than a complete, all-consuming hatred for you. In fact, I'm beginning to think the only thing wrong with you at all is how easy it is for you to see all of my flaws in startling clarity and still think I'm worth anything at all," she said rapidly.

He tried to let what she'd just said sink in, but found his mind unable to formulate a response.

"The truth is, I'd been waiting for you to ask me out again, and I really meant to say yes but –but I just _couldn't_, I was too used to saying no and I kept thinking about what everyone would think, really thick of me-" James stepped closer to her, and she fell silent, gazing up at him with those big green eyes he found so entrancing.

"James," she breathed, chest rising and falling quickly. He came even closer, leaning on the lockers with his arms and effectively pinning her against them.

"You were waiting for me to ask?" he demanded hoarsely.

"I already told you I was. No need to humiliate me further," she replied, echoing his previous sentiments, and in one smooth movement, James leant in and captured her lips in his. They were freezing, but very soft and eager. She reached up to put her arms around his shoulders and pull herself closer, hungrily returning the kiss. It was with great reluctance that James finally drew away, both parties panting breathlessly. Lily was smiling gently, and her eyes had a glazed, far-off look James had never seen her wear. It looked good on her, made her seem much more beautiful and so _alive. _Suddenly, she laughed, a bright and trilling laugh she used so infrequently in his presence it sent a tingle of effervescent pleasure up his spine.

"What?"

"You should see yourself. What's made you so happy?" she asked cheekily. James was grinning so broadly his face hurt a little.

"Well, I was thinking about how you said I only have one flaw, and you know, it's really not much of a flaw at all," he replied playfully.

"Oh, is that so? Well, now that I think about it, that hair of yours _is _pretty awful," she returned, eyes dancing with laughter as he reached up to run his fingers through it.

"Here, let me take care of that." Lily reached up to run her hand through his tousled hair, and grinning, pulled his face toward hers.

_Their lips met, and with an thunderous yet inaudible click, the fate of the universe was set. _

**

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Read and review! =D**

Hope you liked that, guys. As you can probably tell, that's it for this story. Short, but (hopefully?) sweet. For new readers, this used to be a oneshot, but I decided it needed more. I hope you agree it was the right decision to extend it. . If not, I think I'd cry for a few hours. T.T Nah, too many other ideas swirling around to waste time doing that...

All the best and thanks for reading,

Leenie


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